Marriage is just a legal document, after all, so why do it? More and more people are living together without actually getting married. Do they lose out on something? Are there benefits of marriage that you can’t get otherwise? Yes to both questions. As a counselor and pastor, I’ve witnessed firsthand what is lost outside of the marriage.
Yes, I’m a Christian which means I believe that only in marriage does God bless sex. And if for no other reason, being right with God is one of the greatest benefits of marriage. But if the only reason to get married is to have guiltless sex, then that is rather pathetic. No there is so much more that a marriage can bring.
I’ll mention two benefits of marriage that are most important to my wife and I.
COMMITMENT
Asking, “Will you marry me?” is making a commitment that transcends other partnerships. When you get married, you make a lifelong commitment–or at least that is the way it is supposed to be. Shacking up like two stray cats doesn’t lend itself to long-term commitment. You may claim that you love each other, and you may, but not willing to make the level of commitment that a marriage entails, puts your love on a lesser plane.
I don’t have an easy out if my marriage has problems. There is no way I can’t just pack up and leave without creating huge problems. I wanted it that way. And I don’t want an easy way out of marital problems. I want my commitment to be something special, something that no other relationship has. I want it to keep me dedicated to working through any problems.
But if two people are just living together without this commitment, then it is an easy thing to leave when problems come. There is nothing that keeps them together or that truly encourages them to find a solution to seemingly insurmountable problems. It’s like they have a plan B.
Marriage is more than just a legal document. It is a promise of my commitment made to a God, society, and to my mate. My word is my bond, and I wanted a relationship that is more than just living with someone. I also wanted something public and before witnesses. I’m not ashamed of my wife. I’m not waiting to see if things are going to work out or not. I don’t want to wake up one day wondering if it’s time for a change. Marriage gave me the depth of commitment I sought. I can’t get that otherwise.
For me, I can only get the depth of a relationship I want inside of marriage. The commitment means a lot to me. It means everything to me. That someone else would commit to a relationship that says, “Till death do us part, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” means more than I can express here in words. I share this commitment with my wife, and that has tremendous weight and specialness. That is what marriage gives and why the benefits of marriage are so valuable.
AN EXAMPLE FOR MY CHILDREN
Another one of the benefits of marriage is the example it sets before my children. The above commitment is something I want my children to learn about. I want to create in them a desire to have a relationship like their parents. I want them to want it so badly–assuming God calls them to be married–that they’ll date right and they’ll choose their future mate wisely.
My parents had a marriage like I do. As a child, I had such tremendous security at home that I never worried about if my parents would be together one day or not. I witnessed their commitment and I craved to have the same thing. I want this for my children, and it is only through the commitment of the marriage that I can give it to them.
A relationship outside the bonds of marriage sends the wrong message to my children. How can I expect them to find the same level of commitment and love if I myself am not willing to demonstrate it? Our children more often than not follow our footsteps when it comes to relationships. Mostly, because it is all they know. Well, I want my children to know what a relationship is like between two people so committed to each other, so in love, so bound together that they too want nothing else.
CONCLUSION
That being said, if the above is true, then getting married on a lark is unwise. I got married because I found a woman who I could commit the rest of my life to, and I found a woman who was willing to do the same for me. Our union has purpose and our marriage gives depth and commitment to that purpose. These are just two of the more important benefits of marriage, but even that should be desirable.
