Without a doubt, one of the most heart wrenching things a parent can suffer is that of a child who is rebellious. Fighting rebellion will be one of the most difficult things you will ever do.
You may ask, “How do I know if my kid is rebellious or just spirited?” The answer to that is simple. Rebellion is open disregard for authority. A child can be absentminded and not be rebellious. A child can do wrong and not be rebellious. But a child who openly defies a parent’s authority is rebellious.
Rebellion in the heart of a child is like a disease. It’ll skew their entire moral center. Rebellion can’t be allowed to grow, or it’ll completely dominate the attitude of a child. It is usually fairly easy to spot a rebellious child, because they take everything in the wrong way. They become ultra stubborn and resistant. They have no problem with causing a scene, and they will look for fault in others quickly and even use that as justification for their own actions.
A child or adult who is rebellious seeks a sort of twisted type of freedom, and they know it can be gained through exposing the loopholes in the authority over them. They’ll use it to justify their own actions, condemn yours, free themselves from the validity of your authority…or whatever.
If you are a parent with a child at home, you can’t afford to allow this to settle into their hearts. Rebellion has a nasty side effect that is hardly discernible. But one thing is clear: rebellious children are never happy. Because of the nature of the methods used to gain this type of “freedom” from authority it robs them of joy and happiness as they are in constant conflict.
I’ve never met a rebellious child or adult who was truly happy.
CONFLICTING AUTHORITY IS THE SINGLE GREATEST SOURCE OF REBELLION
Fighting rebellion in your child means you must understand the rebellion.There are many things that can contribute toward rebellion in a person. But the greatest contributor is conflicting authority.
Conflicting authority for a child is devastating. When one parent says one thing, but the other parent says something else, that puts the child in a very awkward position about what to do. Because of their innate, rather selfish nature, they will lean heavily toward the path that is most pleasing to them.
When parents can’t agree on the discipline, when they argue with each other in front of the kids, when they contradict each other, when they step in and yank control of a situation from each other, they are laying the groundwork for a rebellious child.
DANGERS OF CONFLICTING AUTHORITY
1. You force the child to choose between the authorities.
People can’t serve two masters. They will naturally tend to choose one over the other. If you make your kids choose one parent over the other, you will find the child will always choose the one that seems in their best interest.
It robs you of the support and unity of your spouse. You also rip down the foundation of your own authority as well. You’ve just taught your child that it’s okay to contradict authority. Fighting rebellion in your child just got significantly harder.
That will include you too.
2. Your child will play one parent against the other.
And if you don’t think your kids are capable of this, you are deceived. When kids see that they can get their way by playing one parent off against another, they will.
If your child believes that there is a parent who will side with them, they will utilize that resource. They’ll lie, exaggerate, not tell the whole story, or whatever to get you to side with them.
There used to be a day that when a child got in trouble at school, he would get in trouble at home too. Now, parents automatically, like a knee-jerk reaction, side with their kid as if their kid can do no wrong. This undermines the authority of the school, and you in effect give your children license to refute the authority at school.
3. It creates doubt in a child.
There is tremendous security in a home where both parents are unified. A child finds more confidence and security in a home where both mom and dad are on the same side.
When parents contradict each other, a child picks up on the frustration, guilt, anger, resentment, and so on. And when the child is the subject of this conflict, they will have tremendous doubts.
You’re not going to like this next statement, but this isn’t a politically correct platform. Most of the children who have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder come from a home with serious authority conflicts. In my dealings with children like this, even one week in a stable, loving, unified home causes very positive changes in their behavior.
You must present a unified front before your children. The security that comes from this can not be underestimated.
TIPS ON FIGHTING REBELLION IN YOUR CHILD
- To the best of your ability, keep a united front with the child’s authority.
- Support any decision, even ones that put your child in a negative light, from your child’s authority. If you disagree, disagree in private, but never in front of your child.
- Have clear rules and clear consequences. Sometimes, you contradict your own authority–not good.
- Discipline in love, not anger. Not disciplining a child means you force the child to live with guilt, and guilt is like a cancer. Discipline in a way that brings the child to you after it is over.
- Don’t let rebellion slide. Be on the lookout for it. When you see it, even in little things like rolling of the eyes or a rebellious posture, deal with it.
- Don’t let your child feed off other rebellious children. Fighting rebellion means creating an environment that is conducive to your authority and love. You must be careful of your child’s friends.
- Provide a safe home environment. The home needs to be safe, clean, fun, and happy place. Make home your castle and refuse to let anything in that will violate its sanctity.
Hopefully, these tips will help you. Fighting rebellion can be difficult, but it can be done!
