Do you ever feel as if everyone hates you? I have encountered many people who feel this way. In looking into it, I have pinpointed a variety of causes and effects for this discouraging feeling of rejection. In knowing the causes, you may be able to combat it, because in truth, everyone does not hate you. The pain of rejection can be so sharp that it blinds you to the love others have for you. So even if you are loved, you don’t feel like it.
Rejection is one of the leading causes of depression. God didn’t create us to feel isolated, ostracized, and alone. In fact, it is nearly a primeval need to have human companionship or acceptance within the circles we walk. More than that, it is a God-given need.
Genesis 2:18 – And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
With that in mind, here are the typical reasons for rejection.
REJECTED BECAUSE OF A PARTICULAR STAND WE TAKE
In all actuality, if we are rejected because of something we believe in strongly, that is usually fairly easy to take and deal with. For example, I am a Christian and therefore stand on the fact that God is real, Heaven is real, and that Jesus Christ died on the Cross so that I might have eternal life. I believe this very strongly. If someone rejects me because of my stand, it really doesn’t bother me–particularly if there are others who stand with me. This type of rejection is to be expected and therefore fairly easy to deal with.
REJECTED BECAUSE YOU DON’T FIT IN
Most people want to fit in. We want to be part of a group, to belong to something, to be accepted. This need is hard to shake. Even the most hermit-like people have an intrinsic need to feel accepted. Some turn to animals for acceptance, like a dog or cat. Some turn to nature and try to become “one” with it. Good or bad, we all want to feel accepted and have a place we belong.
When you don’t fit in, you will feel rejected. In many cases, not fitting in may be a good thing. It is when you want to fit in and still don’t that you will struggle. In some cases you don’t meet someone else’s expectations and so they reject you. In other cases, you don’t meet your own expectations and just never feel like you belong.
For example, when among fellow preachers, I have an insecurity that I just don’t fit in. The truth is, I might fit in very well. But because of my own insecurity, I don’t feel comfortable, feel judged, and feel looked down upon. This is my own problem, not someone else’s, but it causes these feelings of rejection.
Many people, as another example, are introverts and rather reclusive by nature. Your own reclusiveness tends to make it hard to fit in, and the more you withdraw because you fear being rejected, the more you will feel rejected. It becomes a vicious circle. Despite your own personal fears and feelings of inadequacy, you just might have to put yourself out there.
REJECTED BECAUSE OF A CHOSEN LIFESTYLE
Taking rejection as a result of how we live can be hard or easy depending on the individual and the lifestyle being rejected. When people spurn us for our decisions in life, how we chose to live, we take that as a blow to our ego. Depending on how you view yourself, this could be shrugged aside or become a cancer in your emotional state. No matter if your lifestyle is considered good or bad, rejection due to your chosen lifestyle can bring on depression.
I live a Christian lifestyle. I have been mocked because I carry a Bible. And I have been laughed at for speaking of my Saviour Jesus Christ. I have been attacked for believing the Biblical account of creation. And I have had my faith scrutinized and criticized. Sometimes, it is very bothersome. Other times, it is easy to shrug off. It can be hard to hear others mocking something you chose to live. But at the same time, I chose this lifestyle because it works, so it is easier to shrug off rejection.
REJECTED BECAUSE OF A BAD REPUTATION
This is hard to deal with. When we are avoided because of a reputation, justly or unjustly deserved, we feel as if we are being perpetually punished–as if we can never live it down. We feel that there can be no forgiveness, no redemption, and no reconciliation. This often leads to depression.
In cases like this, it is best to build a counter reputation. Spending all your time defending your bad reputation is like trying to nail jelly to a tree. Futile. Instead, acknowledge your mistake and focus on building a reputation that puts the lie to the old one.
REJECTED BECAUSE WE HANDLE CRITICISM AND CORRECTION WRONG
You can’t go through life without being criticized or corrected for what you say, what you do, or how you do it. Our nature makes it difficult to take correction well. We get defensive. We take it as rejection. Learn to find the nugget of truth within the criticism or correction that will enable you to grow and improve. Life will be so much easier for you if you refuse to rise to the bait.
REJECTED BECAUSE WE ARE STUBBORN, OBSTINATE, AND UNYIELDING
Our arrogance and pride is a source of rejection from others. When we say, “This is the way I am, live with it!” The natural reaction from others is, “No, I don’t. I’ll go somewhere else.” Accept that you need to grow and improve. Don’t fear your weaknesses, but acknowledge them. People who are trying to improve and grow are nearly universally accepted. People who are stubborn and obstinate find a lot of rejection.
CONCLUSION
We see that not all rejection is bad. Sometimes, it is a good sign that someone is rejecting you. Rejoice therefore! Jesus told His disciples to rejoice when they were rejected and persecuted (Matthew 5:10-12). In other cases, you are rejected only because you have unconsciously rejected yourself. When you reject yourself, you think everyone else is rejecting you too. You become withdrawn, aloof, angry, bitter, and resentful. Who would want to hang around someone like that? If you want to change it, then start being friendly (Proverbs 18:24).
Many times the best way to be accepted is to be accepting of others. Try it. You’ll like it.
