The common definition of unconditional love is to love someone no matter what they do, but that is not true. To love someone unconditionally means you cannot look to the other person to define it in any way. Yet that is what most of us do. Most of us look at the object of our love to define our love based on them instead of what is in us.
The Wrong Unconditional Love
Ask the average person why they love their spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, and they’ll say things like, “Because she is pretty, smart, a good listener, a hard worker…she makes me feel special, and so forth and so on.” This automatically puts conditions on his love. He is defining his love based on what the other person is or is not. This is conditional! If those things change, so will the love.
This is why it is so easy to “fall in love” and then fall out of it too. This is not unconditional love.
Most people, when they speak of unconditional love, they speak circumstantially. What they mean is, “I’ll love you no matter what life brings our way.” This is noble and honorable and something I hope is true. But it is not unconditional love, because they are still defining it based on who the other person is or is not.
The Correct Unconditional Love
God gives us a hint when He said in the Bible, “God is love.” This teaches us what true unconditional love is. God loves us because He is love. It has nothing whatsoever to do with who we are, what we do, or what we don’t do.
Unconditional love is defined based on you, not the person you love. If you love someone because you have it in your heart, it won’t matter if the other person is smart, makes you feel good, is good-looking, or is a hard worker. It won’t matter if that person hurts you, disappoints you, betrays you, or refuses to return your love. You’ll love that person because your heart is filled with love. This is true unconditional love.
Do You Have Unconditional Love?
Take a long look at yourself. Do you have unconditional love? Can you love the unlovable? Can you love someone when they hurt you? And can you love your enemies? That is the true test. If you define unconditional love based on who you are, you’ll come much closer to what it really is than if you base it on who the other person is or is not.
For the unconditional to truly be unconditional, there must be no conditions on which you base your love. The only way to do that is to define it from within you out, not from someone else in. It isn’t based on how you feel about someone. Feelings are always conditional, because feelings and emotions are products of outside stimuli. You won’t always feel love, but you can always love because it is who you are.
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