Are you wondering why you are so angry? It may be that you are angry more and more and you don’t even know why. There are many reasons why this might be true, but a common denominator as to why you are so angry all the time is that you just don’t understand.
That’s it. That’s the secret to your anger. Let me explain. In most cases, if you understood another person’s viewpoint, you wouldn’t get angry. Most anger is a form of selfishness. This is not to say that there aren’t some things you ought to legitimately get angry about. But the honest truth is, most of the time it is our lack of understanding of the other person coupled with our own selfishness that produces anger.
You’re Angry too Quickly
The Bible says this: “He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly” (Proverbs 14:29). Notice the contrast. Slow to wrath leads to great understanding, but a hasty spirit exalts folly. When you are angry so fast, the only thing you add to the situation is foolishness. You aren’t thinking things through. You are just reacting.
Anger blinds you to anything but your own pain. But if you were capable of seeing past your anger and putting yourself in another’s shoes, you’d discover that you would have much less reason to be angry. In fact, you may even have desires to help the other person instead of lashing out at them.
Here are some examples: Someone cuts you off while driving. What is your typical response? It is usually to get angry. But if you could have been in his mind, and knew that his wife was in labor, and he was rushing her to the hospital, would that change your mind? Would you be so angry then?
Someone yells at you at work. Your reaction is to get angry. But if you understood that she just found out that her daughter had gotten in trouble at school, you might be a bit less angry. Your understanding of her situation would allow you to be more objective, less inclined to get angry. That doesn’t make what she did right. But at the same time, you are less angry. Since you can’t control her, it’s to your benefit not to be so angry–for your sake.
Let’s say someone tells a lie about you. That hurts. It’s wrong. And you get angry. But if you understood that he is so insecure that lying about other people is the only way he feels like he can become the center of attention, to matter, then perhaps other solutions other than anger can be found to help such a person. If you understood his need, you’d feel sorry for him, not angry. Understanding his position gives you greater power to fix it too. Anger doesn’t fix much.
Understanding people allows you to find solutions instead of being so angry. If instead of getting angry, you simply try to understand someone, you’ll not only control your anger better, you’ll be able to solve the issues, and help people at the same time.
Another example is of a child stealing some food from you. Is stealing wrong? Yes, of course. And most people would get angry, unless they understood how hungry the child was. If you knew the child hadn’t eaten in the last five days, what would you do? Get angry? I doubt it. Most of us would simply give the child more food.
The difference? Understanding.
Your Anger Accomplishes Little
The best solution to controlling your anger is to focus on trying to understand someone instead of focusing on your hurt feelings. Anger does not accomplish much. There are times to be angry, but in most cases of your life, it is not a solution–it is just a problem maker. We rely on anger to make things better, but mostly we are just left with more problems. Trying to understand someone involves a disciplined mind, one under control, and one able to see past the emotional pain that someone else caused you.
This is why the Bible tells us to be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” If you can seek to listen, to understand, you won’t be so angry all the time.
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