God Won’t Let Me Get Married–Am I Being Punished?

I’ve given much thought and prayer to this issue as I am the current single’s pastor at my church. There is a call, not a punishment, where God calls a man or woman to a single life. This calling is unique and special. Most of the disciples were single. Jesus was single. Many of the great men in the Bible were single, such as Daniel and possibly Elijah and Elisha. I personally believe that God calls a certain percent of the human population to be single. The Apostle Paul was emphatic about this, as described in 1 Corinthians 7. During a time of heavy persecution, Paul thought it best not to be married or to have a family knowing it was much easier for a single man to serve God in a way that a married man could never do. In this regard, being single is not a punishment. It is a blessing. An opportunity to do what you could never do as a married man. However, if you feel you are being punished, then I doubt you’ll find peace with this perspective. Such an outlook will control your perceptions, which will shape your attitudes, and which will then dictate your behavior. I challenge you to reconsider your perceptions on the issue. I’ve found the best way to move forward in a situation that is outside my control is to surrender and give it wholly over to the Lord, to stop trying to force it to be different. It is in that moment of true surrender that I’ve found the strength of the Lord and learned the lesson I needed to learn.

Types of Single Men and Women

On another note, there are three types of single men that Jesus described in Matthew 19:12.

1. The single man or woman who were so born from their mother’s womb. These are likely those who have no desire to get married or have a family.
2. The single man or woman who was made so by others. This could be you in that you have met no one up to this point willing to or able to marry you. This could also mean a physical change brought on by man as well. This is not described as right or wrong–though there are many situations where making someone single could be construed as wrong–it is described simply as a fact, one that must be dealt with.
3. The single man or woman who chooses the single life on purpose for the Kingdom of God’s sake. This also seems not to be you. But such a man perceives that he can do more for the Lord as a single man, go where he could never take a wife or children, and be something for others that he could never be as a married man. So he chooses the single life for Christ’s sake.

The Bible often calls these men, all three of them, eunuchs. The Bible uses this term to describe the single life, not just the concept of being castrated. Regardless, God has a unique promise and blessing for eunuchs described in Isaiah 56:4-5, one only given to someone who lives the single life. Since I my self am married with four children, I freely admit that I do not know the pain and frustration a single person wanting to marry faces. But all of us, all Christians, have our own pain and frustration we face, areas that we feel are unfair, not right, and require strong shoulders to bear such burdens. You are neither unique nor alone. I suggest a reading and study of these Scripture passages may help your perception of the issue: 2 Corinthians 4:7-18 and Romans 5:1-5.

Final Thoughts

Let me finish by saying that being single is not a punishment. God loves you more than you can imagine. Just because God doesn’t give you something you so desperately want does not mean that God does not love you. With the blessings and opportunities that come with the single life, I think the issue is more of your perceptions than a matter of God punishing you. Besides, you aren’t dead yet. You never know what lies in your future. I would rather be content to wait if it means marrying the right person than to force the issue and marry wrongly. Trust me, although I am happily married, I have counseled many who are not. Your life can be a whole lot worse than being unmarried. You could be married to the wrong person. God bless you. I will be praying for you.