Overcoming jealousy in a relationship isn’t easy. Jealousy is like a cancer. It likes to grow and consume you. It is important, first, to understand what causes jealousy. Jealousy is the fear of losing something that you believe to already be yours. When you believe that you may lose the one you love to another, you will get jealous. It is a natural emotional response to the fear of losing something important to you.
There are two factors that must be addressed in overcoming jealousy. They are:
1. Insecurity
2. Mistrust
You put those two together, and you’ll have jealousy. That, in turn, can lead to other more obvious problems. Overcoming jealousy means you must address two things.
INSECURITY AND JEALOUSY
A secure relationship won’t get jealous because there is no fear when you are secure. Insecurity looks for problems, for reasons to fuel its fear. Those who are secure, do not possess this fear, so they don’t look for it. It is essential that security be provided in any relationship to avoid jealousy.
If you are the one insecure, you need to sit down with your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend and communicate your fear. This is an essential part of overcoming your fear. If you can’t talk about it rationally, you’ll just make things worse. If you come across too strong and demanding, you’ll create defensiveness and resentment. You need to seek their help with your insecurities. Here are some things you need to consider:
1. The actual source of your insecurity – Core Problem
2. Options and plans to help manage your insecurity – Communication
3. Frequent discussions and updates regarding your insecurity – Constant Contact
Insecurity needs to be dealt with from both sides of the issue. Both people in the relationship need to work on it. It won’t be accomplished without a free flow of communication and constant contact regarding the core problem that is causing the insecurity.
People who are insecure are only so because of an innate lack of self-confidence somewhere. For example, ask someone to speak publicly that has no experience or knowledge of it and they will instantly be insecure. If a man becomes insecure when his wife speaks to another man, even for business reasons, it may be due to a lack of confidence in himself somewhere.
But if you intend to overcome your jealousy, you need to deal with your insecurities first. The only way to do that is to be honest with yourself. What are your insecurities?
MISTRUST AND JEALOUSY
Mistrust brings suspicion. Suspicion and insecurity lead to jealousy. If you don’t trust your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend you have an altogether different problem.
Trust is an essential part to the success of any relationship. When you don’t trust someone, you will always be suspicious, second guessing their actions, and attributing ulterior motives to everything he does.
Trust must be earned. So if you don’t have the trust of your loved one, you need to do whatever it takes to earn that trust. If you don’t trust your loved one, you need to sit down with him or her and discuss it freely without accusation or argument. How can a relationship function without good communication? It is essential that you can discuss these issues without getting defensive, injured, or angry. And trust is best earned by constant communication and discussion of the problem in a loving way.
Shoving the problem aside or dismissing it as childish will only foster the feelings of mistrust. It has to be dealt with. If you want the jealousy to go away, so too does the mistrust.
No matter if you are the one who distrusts or the one who is mistrusted, you need to help with the issue.
CONCLUSION
If you want to overcome your jealousy, then you will need to work on it. It won’t magically go away. A little work can go a long way to fixing jealousy issues.
